


Eye of the Hurricane

by rather__odd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Blood and Injury, Delirium, Fever, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mentions of Death, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sickfic, Stand Alone Chapters, prompts, tw on each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rather__odd/pseuds/rather__odd
Summary: Stand alone chapters of hurt/comfort prompts with Wolfstar(tw at the start of each chapter)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	1. Nightmare

**“I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay.”**

**TW: Blood, injury, nightmare, loss of control, mentions of death (no real death)**

_Blood. Everywhere._

_Remus stares at the bed in front of him, watching as the already crimson Gryffindor sheets are stained darker with blood. His boyfriend is lying on his back, gashes in his chest and bites on his neck. His eyes are wide with pain and fear as he stares up at Remus, waiting for him to attack again._

_Remus holds his gaze, staring back. His mind is screaming, begging him to do something. Begging him to help Sirius. But he is not in control of his body. He is forced to watch, helpless, as his hand, his_ human hand, _reaches towards Sirius in a menacing gesture. Sirius flinches._

_"Remus..." Sirius's voice is hoarse, rough from screaming in fear and the damage in his throat caused by Remus's teeth. Despite his plea, Remus moves towards him, inhaling deeply the scent of blood._

_He's screaming at himself in his mind, trying to stop himself. "No." He reaches for Sirius, a feral smile tugging on his lips. "No, stop it!"_

_"Remus!" Sirius calls to him again, louder this time, but Remus climbs onto the bed. Sirius brings his arms up to shield his face._

_But still Remus does not stop. He pulls Sirius's arms away from his head brutally, all the while wanting to scream, cry,_ stop _. He pins Sirius's arms with one hand, while the other moves to his boyfriend's neck._

_"No, stop!" Remus is pleading with himself, unable to take back control._

_"Remus, Remus!"_

_"No! NO! SIRIUS!"_

* * *

Sirius is having a lovely dream, one involving the giant squid and Quidditch and Dumbledore in pajamas, when he feels something smack his face.

He opens his eyes slowly, trying to figure out what woke him. The dorm is still dark, the light of the nearly full moon peeking in through the curtains. He doesn't need to be awake for several more hours. He doesn't hear anyone talking to him-

His hunt is over when he feels the bed tremble beneath him, and hears his boyfriend's heavy breathing. He props himself up on an elbow to look at Remus, noticing his furrowed brow, his shirt soaked through with sweat. He is tossing his head back and forth, and his arms are shooting out sporadically.

Damn. Nightmare.

"Remus..." Sirius calls to him gently, his voice rough with sleep. This, however, only seems to make Remus panic more. His brows pull tighter together, and his arms shoot out again.

"No." Remus sounds desperate, like he is pleading with someone. He throws his head to the side almost violently. "No, stop it!"

He is not exactly yelling, but he is not whispering either. Sirius knows that if Remus is this deep into a nightmare, he will not wake up easily. Sirius grabs his wand and throws up a silencing charm on the bed curtains, then turns back to his boyfriend. He gently takes Remus's arms in his hands, trying to restrain his flailing, lest he hurt himself.

Remus pulls against the hands, though, and arches his back off the bed. His breathing is becoming short, and he is truly starting to panic now. Sirius knows he needs to wake Remus up. Right Now.

He straddles Remus, catching his wrists and pinning them to the bed on either side of his hips. Sirius is thankful for the silencing charms on his bed curtains, because Remus is starting to scream.

"No, stop!" The distress in Remus's voice breaks Sirius's heart. He shakes him a little too hard to be considered gentle.

"Remus, Remus!" Sirius is shouting now, leaning down so that he is close to Remus's ear.

"No! NO! SIRIUS!" With a final cry and jerk of his body, Remus's eyes fly open.

Sirius, for a moment, is shocked still. He had not been expecting his boyfriend to be dreaming about him. By the way Remus had been pleading, panicking, it seemed that he was afraid of the person in his dream. Was it Sirius? He doesn't know what to do; he is devastated that this sweet boy looks so terrified, and is afraid that Remus may be scared of him.

He looks down at the boy he is still on top of, tightening his grip on Remus's wrists as he starts to pull, still trapped in the fog of his nightmare.

"Remus, hey, Re." Sirius shakes Remus's wrists gently, drawing him back to the present. He leans down slightly, and watches as recognition floods Remus's face.

"Sirius..."

Sirius sits back up, relaxing his grip on Remus's wrists, but doesn't fully let go or get off of him. Remus is still panting, staring hard at Sirius. His eyes are full of fear.

Sirius doesn't speak. Normally, Remus's nightmares are about Greyback, reliving that night from so many years ago; or the school discovering his secret, and the consequences that would follow. On these nights, after Sirius wakes him up, Remus will cling to him, sobbing into his shoulder and begging him to " _Stay, please, don't leave me"._ Sirius always takes care of Remus on these nights, holding him close and assuring him that _"You're safe, Moony, I've got you"._

Tonight, though, Sirius does not know what to do. For Remus to be so panicked, and to say Sirius's name with so much _fear_ in his voice... Sirius would be crushed if Remus turned him away, if he was afraid of him. Sirius would never hurt Remus, and he thought his boyfriend knew that.

He hopes that he knows that.

Remus continues to stare at Sirius's face for a long moment, before his gaze drops down to Sirius's neck. He is still panting, still afraid. He tugs one of his hands free from Sirius's grasp, his eyes never leaving the neck of the boy on top of him. He slowly and shakily raises his hand to Sirius's throat, tracing the curve of it delicately with one finger.

Sirius sits as still as possible, holding his breath, worried that any movement may scare Remus off. He watches as Remus drags a finger down his neck with a feather light touch, continuing all the way down to his chest. He splays his hand on Sirius's warm chest, the pressure of his fingers increasing over his heart. A tear slips from Remus's eyes and runs down his face. Still staring at the hand pressed on Sirius's chest, he whispers, "I'm sorry."

Remus inhales a shaky breath, and more tears spill from his eyes. Sirius, again, is shocked. He has no idea what Remus is apologizing for, and he is still unsure if his boyfriend is afraid of him. Hesitantly, he raises his hand, placing it on top of Remus's. Remus jumps slightly, but he doesn't pull away. His gaze is still locked on Sirius's chest.

"For what?" Sirius asks, his voice soft. Remus raises his head at this, finding Sirius's eyes with his own. His fingers push into Sirius's chest slightly as he answers.

"I killed you."

More tears flow down Remus's cheeks, and he turns his head away. Sirius feels as if he has taken a blow to the stomach. _Killed him?_ Is that what Remus's nightmare had been about?

It all made sense now. Remus is not afraid of him; Remus is afraid of himself.

Sirius slowly gets off of Remus, moving to lie on his side next to him. His hand never leaves the one that is still pressing into his chest. Remus turns his body to face Sirius, but his eyes are closed, his breaths coming in small sobs now.

"Hey, shh, it's okay, Remus. It was just a dream, love. Just a nightmare. You didn't hurt me, Moony. It wasn't real."

Remus's breath hitches, and he opens his eyes to look at Sirius.

"It felt so- felt so real. I...I killed you. I tried- tried to stop, but I couldn't. I'm so-so sorry!" Remus chokes on his words, and dissolves into tears again, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on the front of Sirius's shirt.

Sirius pulls Remus into him, holding him tight. He feels his boyfriend bury his head in his chest, nearly hyperventilating with the rate of his sobs. Sirius has never seen Remus this distraught: not when the other marauders told him they knew his secret, not when his mother died, not when he broke both his legs during a full moon yet still tried to stand up. The thought that it is because of him, even inadvertently, nearly destroys him.

"Remus, hey. Shh. It's okay, I've got you. It was just a dream, love. Just a dream."

Remus tries to take a deep breath, but it sputters out, and a sob takes over. He pushes himself closer into Sirius, as if trying to meld their bodies into one.

"I don't want to hurt you." Remus sounds so upset, so _wounded._ Sirius tightens his hold on the shaking boy, dropping a kiss into his hair.

"You won't, Moony. I trust you. It's alright." Remus continues to cry, but his breathing slowly returns to normal. Eventually, all that can be heard are his shaky inhales, his occasional sniffles and hiccups. Sirius rolls onto his back, pulling Remus up onto his chest. He feels Remus tighten his grip on the fabric above his heart, then push down on it harder, taking comfort in the beat beneath his fingers.

"It's okay now, love. I'm okay, you're okay. We're okay. It's all okay."

Sirius feels Remus nod against his neck, and he slowly runs his hands up and down Remus's back, securing his hold on the thin shoulders tucked under his arm. Remus is still shaking, and his fingers are flexing over Sirius's heart unconsciously, but he is starting to relax. Sirius knows that neither of them will be able to sleep again tonight, but the worst of it is over.

They are okay.


	2. Phone Call

**“I just needed to hear your voice.”**

**TW: Blood, _talks_ of dying/death**

_ Note: I know that they wouldn’t have cell phones as it was the 80s, but humor me please. _

_ Note note: I’m trying a different style of writing here, let me know what you think!! :) _

  
  


His hands are shaking as he presses and holds the number 1 on his cell phone. Lily made them all get them at the start of the war, saying it would be a more efficient way of contacting each other and more secure as the Death Eaters would never use them. At the time, Sirius had laughed and said they wouldn’t need them.

He isn’t laughing now.

The line rings for too long before there is a voice telling him to leave a message. Sirius curses, holds the number again and tries to ignore the blood now smeared on the phone. Voicemail again. Vision clouded by tears of frustration, Sirius tries one more time. The line rings and rings, and just as Sirius is about to give up-

“‘ello?” 

Sirius could sob with relief.

“Re? You- you there?”

“Yes. It’s the middle of the night. What do you want?”

The ice in Remus’s voice doesn’t belong there, and Sirius would do anything to melt it. They were fighting again. Of course they were; that’s all they did these days. The tension from secrets and lies just builds and builds until it bursts in screams and tears. Sirius can’t remember what they are fighting about this time: he can’t remember much of anything right now other than the pain in his gut and the sound of Remus’s voice. He needs to hear that voice again.

“‘m sorry if I woke you up. What- what time is it?”

“It’s 2 am. Why are you calling?” Sirius can hear movement on the other line as Remus sits up in bed.

“I… I just needed to hear your voice.”

A pause, long enough for Sirius’s heart to hurt.

“What’s going on, Sirius? What’s happening?”

Sirius’s eyes are shining, but he smiles to himself.

“Do you re-remember the first time I told you I love you? We were- we were by the lake. At Hogwarts? I miss it there. We should go back.”

He can hear Remus standing, rummaging through his clothes.

“What are you- yes. I remember. You gave me your jacket. I never gave it back.”

Sirius laughs. “Looks better on you. Do you still- still wear it? I hope you do.”

“You know I do. Sirius, what’s happened? Are you okay?”

Again, Sirius laughs, and this time it hurts deep in his gut. “No, no I don’t think I am. I’m… I’m so tired, Moons.”

And Merlin he is. He just wants to close his eyes and let the heavy weight on his chest pull him down into the Earth. But just as his eyes slip shut, Remus speaks, and they snap back open.

“Sirius. Sirius! Are you hurt? Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

The sound of keys jingling and a door snapping shut spills through the phone, and really, how did muggles make a device that can pick up so much noise?

“I- I don’t know where I am. Where are you? It’s so cold, Moons. You should- you should put on my jacket. I gave you my jacket, remember? At Hogwarts?”

“Yes- yes, Pads, I remember. I need you to focus for me, okay? Where are you? Are you inside or outside?”

Sirius’s brow furrows, and it takes a lot of effort to focus on his surroundings. He looks up into a dark, clouded sky.

“‘m outside. Why am I outside? ‘s dark. I should be inside, right?”

Nothing makes sense. He feels so cold but he’s sweating, and wasn’t he warm today? What time is it? Where is he? He’s so tired.

“Okay Baby, you’re doing great.” Remus only calls him ‘Baby’ when he’s worried. Is he worried? Sirius doesn’t want Remus to be worried. “Can you tell me what you see?”

Sirius tries to turn his head, but it’s too much effort, so he squints up at the sky. “It’s dark. But there’s a light. A street one? What’s it called? It’s far away, and it’s too bright. Can you turn it off, Moons?”

Remus curses. “Okay, I’m going to find you. You were on a mission, right? Is anyone there with you?”

Sirius is quiet, his brow furrowing as he listens. “‘m alone. No one is here. I wish you were here. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

And that’s just it. Sirius won’t get to see his Moony again. There is too much blood, and not enough time. Sirius is going to die, all alone Merlin-knows-where, and all he wants is to hear Remus’s voice.

A car honks, but Sirius doesn’t know if it’s near him or over the phone. It’s too loud, and too quiet. He’s so tired.

“‘m tired, Moons.”

Remus sucks in a breath. “Do  _ not _ fall asleep, Sirius, do you hear me? You are not allowed to fall asleep.”

Sirius wants to cry. He’s so tired, and so cold, and Remus is being so mean.

“Sirius, listen. You were on a mission with Martin. Is he there? Can you see him?”

And Sirius remembers Martin. He remembers him insisting they split up, remembers seeing him in a bar, remembers cursing and going off on his own. He remembers turning a corner, trying to find a good vantage point to stake out what they think is a Death Eater meetup point, and-

“It hurt. It- it hurt! And I- I fell down. I can’t get up, Re. I’m stuck.”

And Sirius can hear Remus start running, and he has no idea where he is or where Remus is, but he thanks the Gods for Lily because he can hear Remus.

“I can hear you, Re. This- this thing Lily gave us? I can hear you. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Sirius-”

“I don’t tell you that I love you enough. I- I couldn’t go without you knowing that I love you. I-”

“Sirius,  _ no. _ Don’t talk like that.”

“‘m so tired, Re. I can’t… ‘m fallin’ asleep.”

“Sirius, do NOT fall asleep, do you hear me? Stay awake. Stay awake for me, Baby. Please! Sirius, I-”

And Sirius smiles, because even when everything else fades away, his eyes slip shut and his phone clatters to the ground by his ear, he can still hear Remus say-

“I love you.”

* * *

Sirius opens his eyes slowly, wincing at the bright light. Immediately it’s gone, only a dim candle left. He opens his eyes again and Remus is there, looking down at him, his hands hovering like he’s too afraid to touch. Sirius looks at his hands-

“Re, you- hurt? Your… hands. Blood. D’you need help?”

Remus looks like he can’t decide if he wants to laugh or sob, and that just won’t do. Remus should never cry.

Sirius tries to sit up, but as soon as he moves there is a sharp pain in his gut and he cries out. Remus is there with a hand on his shoulder easing him back into the pillows. Pillows? When did those get there? Where was he?

“Sirius, Baby, don’t move, okay? You’re still hurt pretty bad. You need to lie still.”

He’s hurt? When did that happen? How did- oh. And it all comes back to him now. Walking away in a huff after seeing Martin slacking off on the job. The mid June heat on his hands as he ran them through his hair in anger. Turning the corner, too angry to remember to look down the alley first. A knife in his stomach, a mad grin from a strange face.

Sirius looks up at Remus. “You found me?”

And Remus is crying now. “I’ll always find you.”


	3. Here Comes the Sun

**“Just a little longer? Please?”**

**TW: mentions of pain**

_ “Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter.” _

The world comes into focus slowly, filtering in like the sunlight shining through the cracks in the walls of the shack. Pain in his legs, chest, and head; fingers in his hair, threading gently; and a voice, singing softly.

_ “Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here.” _

Remus smiles, blinking his eyes slowly to look up at Sirius. They're on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, his head in Sirius's lap .  Sirius isn’t looking at him yet, so Remus takes the opportunity to just stare openly at his boyfriend. There is dirt smudged on his cheek, bags under his eyes, and Remus is pretty sure there is a leaf in his hair, but when he turns and looks at Remus, his smile is bright. He doesn’t stop singing or running his fingers in Remus’s hair, which he appreciates.

_ “Here comes the sun, and I say. It’s alright.” _

Remus feels a grin tug at his mouth, heavy eyes closing slowly in contentment. That is, until his leg twinges in pain, and he grimaces. 

Sirius stops singing, and when Remus opens his eyes, Sirius’s brows are tugged together and he’s frowning.

“I should get you to Poppy,” Sirius says softly, his fingers stilling.

Remus does not whine, of course. He simply expresses his disapproval in a very manly noise from the back of his throat, and looks up at Sirius.

“Jus- Just a little longer? Please?”

Sirius chuckles, and his fingers begin their motion again.

_ “Little darling, the smile’s returning to their faces.” _

Remus smiles, his eyes falling closed again, lulled into a doze by Sirius’s careful hands and soft voice.

_ “Here comes the sun, and I say. It’s alright.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one! This came to me last night and I had to get it out there. (Please ignore that I skipped lyrics XD )


	4. Brothers Forever

**"Do you want to talk about it?"**

**TW: referenced abuse**

Sirius sat on the bench by the window in the dorm, knees pulled up to his chest. The rest of the marauders were downstairs in the common room, but he couldn’t handle the noise right now. Clutched in his hand was a letter from his mother, wrinkled and torn from countless rereads. Sirius could recite it by memory now. He doesn’t look away from the window as he hears the dorm door creek open. 

He hears shoes being kicked off, then socked feet gingerly making their way towards him. As a weight settles down across from him on the bench, toes touching toes, he hears: “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sirius sighs and turns his head to look at Remus. He’s wearing an oversized red sweater, cheeks flushed from sitting by the fire all evening. He’s staring at Sirius with patience in his eyes and worry in his brow. Sirius wiggles his toes, and Remus squishes them with his own.

* * *

_Regulus has been angry at him since he ran away, of course he has, but when he saw Sirius in the courtyard last week and came to him with a scared face and a quiet “Can we talk? Please?”, Sirius knew he wasn’t as angry as he acts._

* * *

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what there is to talk about,” Sirius said honestly.

“What does she want?” Anyone else would have earned a death glare, but Sirius knows that Remus is just worried, and wants to make it easier for Sirius by asking direct questions. 

Sirius sighs again. “She wants me to stop talking to Reg. Apparently someone saw us talking in the courtyard and snitched. I just… he’s my baby brother, you know? I… no matter what he’s done or what he does, I want to be there for him.” He runs a hand through his hair roughly, and huffs. “It’s not _fair_. She shouldn’t be able to keep us apart like this.” He tucks his chin down in between his knees, staring down at their feet.

Remus’s hand gently takes his. “It’s bullshit.”

It startles a grin out of Sirius. Remus has never been one for delicate “I’m sorry”s or fake “It’ll get better”s. It’s something Sirius has always admired about him. 

“You shouldn’t have to stay away from him. Of course you want to be there for him, you love him.” Remus laces their fingers. “How can I help? Can I provide some cover, or something? Cause distractions so no one sees?”

Remus is always trying to keep his head down and avoid attention. For him to offer to put himself in such a vulnerable position…

“I love you, you know that?” Sirius finally looks up at him.

Remus blinks in response. “And I love you.” He’s quiet for a second, then stands and walks over to stand by the wall Sirius is leaning against. “Budge up.”

Sirius isn't sure where this is going, but it’s Remus, so he does it. 

When Sirius scoots forward, Remus slips in behind him, back against the wall with one leg tucked up close to the window and the other dangling off the bench. He reaches forward and gently takes Sirius’s waist in his hands, pulling him back until he’s laying with his back pressed against Remus’s chest. 

Sirius turns his head to the side to press his nose into Remus’s neck. Remus giggles. Actually _giggles._ “Tickles,” he says quietly.

Sirius laughs, something he didn’t think he’d be doing tonight. “Thank you, love.”

Remus rubs his back. “I’ll always be here for you, baby.”

There’s silence for a while, Remus letting Sirius gather his thoughts.

“He’s getting the mark.”

He feels Remus’s breath hitch slightly. They both know Regulus has been being groomed to join the Death Eaters, but he’s in 6th year. He’s _sixteen._ Not even an adult yet. 

“Baby, that’s... Is there- is there anything we can do? Dumbledore-“

“Dumbledore can’t do shit. And even if he could, Regulus never would. He’d die before disobeying Mother’s orders.”

“You’re right, love. I’m sorry. Did he- did he say when?”

Sirius reaches down and grabs Remus’s hand, lacing their fingers and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “Over break. Merry Christmas to him, right?”

Remus sucks in a breath. “He’s just a kid.” 

Sirius nods. “We all are.”

* * *

_He had led Regulus to an old abandoned classroom, casting a silencing and locking charm on the door. He felt his brow scrunch in concern, and looked Regulus over. He hadn’t heard or seen much from him lately, and noticed immediately how skinny he’s gotten, how pale. “What’s wrong, Reggie?”_

_At the old nickname, Regulus burst into tears. Shocked, Sirius gathered him up in his arms. He hasn't held Regulus in so long, years probably. Regulus clutched onto his shirt, sobbing into his chest._

_He was so thin, and always so much shorter than Sirius, that it felt like he was still the scared little 10 year old that didn’t want Sirius to go to Hogwarts and leave him behind. ‘Hey,’ he’d told him back then, ‘it’s only one year, and then you’ll be there too, and we’ll be causing all kinds of trouble together. Brothers forever, yeah?’_

_Sirius ran a hand through Regulus’s hair, which falls past his ears now as he’s growing out the classic Pureblood heir ponytail._

_“They- they’re making me get it. They’re making me get the-the mark, Sirius. This is it. I’m- I’m bad now. I’m not good like you.” The tears soaking Sirius’s shirt made his own eyes sting._

_Sirius shook his head, one hand pulling Regulus close around the shoulders and the other gripping the back of his neck, keeping him steady._

_“No,_ **_no_ ** _, Regulus. You aren’t- you aren’t_ **_bad_ ** _, okay?” Regulus shakes his head into his brother’s neck, a broken sob falling from his lips. “You’re_ **_not_ ** _,” Sirius assures him. “And you wanna know how I know? If you were a bad person, Reg, you wouldn't care. You wouldn’t be so upset about getting the mark.”_

_Regulus continued to sob into his neck. “I’m_ **_scared_ ** _, Sirius. I- I don’t want to do this!” Sirius just shushed him._

_“I know. I know, Reggie.” There was nothing he could say to make this better. He felt like he failed as a brother. He couldn't keep Regulus safe._

_It had felt like forever and too soon when they finally pulled away. Sirius wiped Regulus’s face, batting away his hands as he tried to do it himself. “I love you, Reg. You know that, right? I’ve loved you since the day you were born, and there isn’t anything in this world that could happen, nothing that you could ever do, that could make me stop loving you.”_

_Regulus sniffed. “How can you say that? How can you say that when you know- you know what they’ll make me do?”_

_“Because I know you, Reg. This isn’t your fault. And because you’re my baby brother. I could never stop loving you, okay?”_

_A few more tears slid down Regulus’s cheeks, and Sirius reached out to slide those away, ignoring the familiar instinctive flinch from Regulus. “I- I love you too, Sirius. I’m sorry I don’t act like it. Mother- Mother says I should hate you, but I can’t. I just can’t.”_

_A tear slipped down Sirius’s cheek, and he laughed quietly as Regulus wiped it away for him. “I know she does. I’m sure she says all kinds of awful things about me. I’m just glad you didn’t let it get to you.” Regulus leaned into him again, and they just held each other for a while, both wondering if they’ll ever get this again._

_Eventually, they pulled apart. “I have to get back to the common room. Bella- Bellatrix is expecting me.”_

_Sirius felt like crying again. “Be careful, please?”_

_Regulus nodded. “I will.”_

_He headed to the door, and turned with his hand on the nob. “I love you, Siri.”_

_The door shut as Sirius said: “I love you too, Reggie.”_

* * *

“I can’t help him, Re. They’ve got him. I can’t reach him anymore.” He turns his head to be able to see Remus’s face. “He’s not bad, Re. He’s a good kid. But they got him. And they won’t let him go.”

Remus nods, and runs a hand through Sirius’s hair. “I know he’s a good kid, love. He’s in a horrible situation, and trust me, if there is _anything_ I can do to help, I’ll do it. No questions asked.” Sirius knows he’s telling the truth.

“I- I left him there, Re. This is my fault. I should have stayed. I should have taken him with me. I should have _fought for him!”_ Sirius feels tears sting in his eyes.

“Baby, listen to me. This isn’t your fault, okay? You couldn’t have done anything. Regulus didn’t want to leave. It's not his fault he was groomed by them. We’ll win this war, take them down, and bring Regulus home. We’ll do what we can to keep him safe from our side, and we’ll bring him home. You didn’t abandon him, Sirius. I know that’s what you think, I know you think you failed him, but you didn’t. You _haven't_ , okay?”

Sirius lets out a sob, and turns until he’s straddling Remus. “I want to bring him home _now!”_

Remus looks close to tears as well. “I know, I do too. If we could do it safely, I’d do it tonight.”

Sirius buries his face in Remus’s shoulder, pressing close like he can hide from it all in his boyfriend’s arms. He sobs out his frustration at his helplessness, his anger at his mother and the Death Eaters, his worry for Regulus. He sobs it all out, mumbling incoherently into Remus’s sweater. Remus just holds him tight, never shushing him, just rubbing his back and kissing his temple.

When he finally calms down, he pulls back and looks at Remus. “Don’t leave me tonight, please? I- I need you.”

Remus pulls him down with a hand on the back of his neck and whispers into his ear, “There’s nothing in this world that could take me away from you, Baby.”

Remus takes out his wand and summons the handmade quilt from his bed, covering Sirius up. As Sirius drifts to sleep in Remus’s arms, the letter abandoned on the floor, his brother’s final words to him echo in his head:

_“I love you, Siri.”_


	5. Stay Away (Hold Me Close)

**"I’ll stay right here, okay?"**

**TW: illness, delirium**

He feels like he’s lying out in the sun, letting it burn him to a crisp. The sheets under him are soaked, and he’s panting like a dog in summer. Remus blinks up at the ceiling, trying to remember how he got here. 

The flat is uncomfortably warm, and the light is hurting his eyes. His head is pounding, his body aches, and his breathing is shallow. This feels… familiar, but in the way a repeating dream does: the memory just out of reach, but never truly gone.

“Re?” Sirius whispers his name as he pops his head in the door, then gives him a soft smile as he enters. “Hey, I’m glad you’re awake. How’re you feeling?”

Sirius is looking at him with a poorly concealed look of worry and pity. Remus wants to run his thumb over Sirius’s brow, to smooth out the crease forming there. But he feels so heavy, and Sirius is so far away. And he feels so _bad._ Why does he feel so bad...

Suddenly, a feeling of panic clicks into place. The pain in his head, the fever, the aches… all of it adds up. He scrambles out of bed, but with Sirius at the doorway he has nowhere to go. He presses himself into the wall instead.

“Stay- stay back.” Remus stutters out.

“What? Baby, what are you-“ Sirius tries to take another step forward, but Remus cuts him off.

“STOP!” Remus can’t let him get any closer. “Why- why am I here?”

“Re… Love, you aren’t making any sense. C’mon, let me-“ Another step, and another scream follows.

“STAY AWAY!”

“Okay, okay.” Sirius puts his hands up in a placating gesture. “Why can’t I come closer?”

“Cause- cause ‘m _changing_. I’m changing, Pads.” Because Remus can’t think of any other reason for him to feel this bad. He only hurts like this before the moon. But why was he still here? Ever since they left Hogwarts, they’d been going to a secluded forest for him to spend every full moon. So why wasn’t he there now?

“Remus, Baby, listen to me. _You’re not changing,_ okay? We’re in the first quarter. You’re sick, Love. You caught something-“ Sirius moves to come closer.

_Why can’t he just stay away?_

“No! Don’t come any closer!” It comes out high pitched and frantic, tears forming in his eyes. 

Remus drops to the floor, legs shaking too much to hold him up any longer. 

“Okay. I’ll stay right here, okay?” Sirius moves to crouch down too.

“No, _go._ Go, Sirius. I’m- I’m _changing._ ” Why didn’t Sirius understand that? Did he forget what Remus is? Or did Remus forget to tell him?

“Sirius… Sir’us, I’m a were- a werewolf.” He hates saying it, but he needs Sirius to understand. “I’m- I’m _changing_ . Into- into a _wolf._ You have to go, run! You can’t- you can’t be here!”

Sirius doesn’t leave, just settles on the floor across from his panicking boyfriend.

“Remus, I know you’re a werewolf. And I _promise_ , you’re not changing right now… I promise.”

“I am. I _am!_ I have to be!” Remus’s breathing is getting faster and faster, his head pounding harder and harder.

“You aren’t transforming. I can prove it, okay? Look out the window, Love.”

Remus tries, and squints. “Can’t.”

“Why?”

“‘s too bright.”

“Exactly. It’s two pm, Love. Sun’s out.”

Remus blinks at Sirius, then back at the window. And damn, it is bright out.

“But… I don’ feel good.”

Sirius’s hands twitch, like he’s restraining himself from reaching out for him. “I know, Lovely. You’re sick. Can I come over there now?”

Remus shouldn’t let him close. He feels like he’s changing, and he can’t put Sirius in danger. But Sirius said he isn’t changing, and he trusts Sirius. Hesitantly, Remus nods.

Sirius doesn’t even stand, just shuffles over until he can pull Remus into his lap, wrapping him up in his arms.

“Feels like- feels like a moon.” Remus clutches onto Sirius’s shirt, desperate to make him understand. “Feels like ‘m changin’.”

Sirius nods. “You have a fever. And yesterday you said you had a headache and muscle aches. It’s probably the flu.”

Remus nods into Sirius’s neck, processing what he says.

“I’m not changing?”

A kiss is pressed to his sweaty head.

“No, Baby. Just regular sick, not moon sick.”

Remus pushes himself even closer to Sirius, closing his eyes. _‘I’m not changing. It’s the afternoon. Sirius said I’m not changing. I’m okay. Sirius is here, it’s okay.’_

He feels Sirius slide an arm under his knees and around his shoulders and lift him, feels himself being carried to the bathroom. He hears the faucet turn on and the water hit the tub. He doesn’t move or make a sound until Sirius goes to set him down on the counter, and he whines as Sirius pulls away.

“We gotta get your fever down, Love. Just a quick bath, yeah?” Remus feels himself nod, and Sirius gently undresses him, helping him into the bath. But as he sits down, Remus grabs Sirius’s hand tight, blinking his heavy eyes open to look at his boyfriend pleadingly.

“Don’ go. Please?”

Sirius smiles softly, and guides him to lay back, never letting go of his hand. He uses his free hand to grab the cup on the edge of the tub and scoop up some of the lukewarm water to pour on Remus’s chest.

“I won’t leave. Promise.”

Remus nods, squeezing their joined hands as tight as he can, though he knows his grip is weakened. Calmed by the knowledge that he isn’t transforming today, and soothed by the cooling water and Sirius’s hand in his, Remus let’s his eyes fall closed again, and drifts off to sleep, trusting Sirius to take care of him. Just like he always does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Luka for being my lovely beta for this chapter!! <3


End file.
